Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Where The F*** Have You Been?!

Hey beauties!

My sincerest apologies for being so inactive on my blog recently...

I thought it was only right to do a quick post to update ya'll about what I've been doing that's been keeping me so busy.

So firstly, around Feb of this year I got my first full-time job after graduating. The job was working in Digital Marketing (PPC) and I recently left this role this month. Therefore, adjusting to a 9 to 5 was a little more hectic than I thought it would be, hence I stopped blogging. I have, however, kept active on social media so please do keep up to date on the likes of Twitter & Instagram as I will be on there more than here...

In order to give myself fully to my job, I decided to take a break from blogging but this certainly wasn't the only factor. In terms of my personal life, a lottt of shit has gone down. If you mix Love & Hip Hop Atlanta & Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I would probably have more drama. Yes, it's that bad.

After exiting a toxic relationship after a year, I finally decided to walk away from the abuse, lies, cheating and manipulation. I was truly in love with this person at the beginning and I decided to give him chance after chance because I didn't think I could spend my life with anyone else. However, it became apparent that our cultural differences were too much to handle as he began to judge me on my appearance and told me the way I was dressing was inappropriate. Furthermore, he began to judge my social media posts and became very insecure about me interacting with other males.

This was just the beginning of a rollercoaster of abuse.

The red flags just kept hitting me in the face left, right and center. The arguments got so bad that I had to get the police involved twice for aggressive/stalking behaviour. He began to attack my weight, my degree, my achievements, my flat, my late mother. The boundaries just disappeared and I turned into a very cold and angry person. I no longer recognised who I was as I felt this creature took away my own identity. I isolated myself from many people as I felt nobody understood what I was truly going through.

There were points where the abuse entered the bedroom and I kept my mouth shut and convinced myself it was somehow my fault or perhaps it wasn't as bad as I thought. However, after leaving this toxic guy I knew I had to speak out for myself and to protect the livelihoods and sanities of other women involved.

I decided to start a police investigation against him to speak out about the abuse and it is now on record and documented in full. I feel a lot more protected, however I still don't feel that justice has been served. Unfortunately, I am part of the big statistic of women in the UK who have been abused but are not able to prosecute their predators.

Despite this, it took a lot of courage to speak out and I feel doing so will protect other women in the future should he continue his psychotic antics.

Throughout this experience I have lost friends but I have also gained some of the most amazing people I have ever met and weirdly enough, reconnected with family members who I never thought I would be able to even have a conversation with.

I am currently undergoing private therapy sessions and I am using this break to take care of myself, go on dates, exercise, eat right, travel and mediate. I am doing all the things I deserve to be doing.

Ibiza 2018.
As if grief wasn't enough, try adding a toxic relationship into the mix and see if you won't feel the anxiety and depression I felt. Despite everything, I have a very strong relationship with God and I have faith I will overcome this and pursue my dreams. I am looking for jobs as I love to work in marketing and I am a very hard-worker who is willing to put in the hours and go the extra mile for companies who value my time.

I will not be defeated.

If anything, I have learnt first hand from my mother about standing up against abusive men and if she were here... well firstly he would not be breathing. Secondly, she would tell me to go to the police immediately and protect myself. I have been raised to be a strong, independent woman and that is exactly who I will be.

Lord willing, if and when I have kids I will also instil this mentaility in them as you never know who you are really sleeping next to sometimes. Someone can start out being loving, affectionate and compassionate but turn into Satan himself the next day.

To all those who have encountered similar situations, just know you are not alone. You did NOT choose to be abused, nobody does. YOU are strong and YOU have the power to take back control of your life. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or ashamed for what you've gone through. Seek help and take care of number one because if you don't, nobody else will.

I hope all my followers and readers understand my absence but I have a lot of things in the works, including YouTube collaborations and I am so, so excited to get back on track with my blog. I love you all and thank you so much to all those lovely souls who have helped me on this journey - may God bless you all.

Love & Light xxx